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Ramblings on Motherhood vs. Career

>> Monday, February 27, 2012

I've been absent from blogging for several weeks now.  It is amazing to me how quickly time passes when you are preoccupied with normal life.  Besides the normal taking care of kids, volunteering in classrooms, making meals, housework, and trying to keep in touch with family and friends (although usually failing miserably with that one), I have had 2 major "projects" in the past couple of months.  One is building our home, which should be done by May.  Not actually building it of course, but choosing all the elements and making decisions -- floors, cabinets, countertops, tile, trim and paint colors, light fixtures, stone for fireplaces,.... the list goes on and on.  I really doubt anyone is too interested in that, but I am going to do a post later this week with pictures since Beth requested it and I have picked up one or two ideas that may be helpful to anyone thinking of building or remodeling in the future.

My second "project" has been starting to work a little (and I do mean little!).  I've never really gone into detail on my career history here, although most of my friends who read this probably know about it as we've all talked about what we did before being moms.  I graduated from veterinary school almost 10 years ago at age 24.  (I always get this question, so a veterinary degree requires 3-4 years of undergraduate work and then 4 years of veterinary school.  There are a limited number of veterinary schools in the country; 28 when I graduated.  I did my undergrad work at WVU in 3 years and then received my doctorate of veterinary medicine from The Ohio State University in May 2002.)

After I graduated, I worked full-time in a tiny little town north of Dayton, Ohio for a little less than 2 years.  It was a great place to start and I had a great boss.  I will forever be indebted to that man for his kindness and patience and I miss him still.  While I liked my job, I just wanted to be a mom.  My mother took a long break from her career as a math teacher to raise us, and I knew I wanted that for my kids as well.  Although, at this point I think I still thought it was possible to do it all so I probably thought I'd work and raise kids and all would be wonderful!  My son was born in 2004 and I left my job to stay home full-time with him.  At that time we lived about 5 hours from my parents and 2 hours from my husband's parents.  My son was a colicky, cranky baby who absolutely rocked our world!!  I remember days that he cried for 5 hours straight.  We quickly decided that we needed to be close to family and we moved to Lebanon, which was about 30 minutes away from my in-laws.  My mother-in-law helped me maintain my sanity during that time (she may disagree about the sanity part though).  When my son was about a year old, I was antsy to go back to work and I started doing relief work 2 afternoons a week in the Cincy area.  Relief work is basically like temping for vets.  You work at clinics that need a vet because someone is going on vacation or on maternity leave, etc.  I liked that, but I really wanted to work at one clinic.  I eventually ended up finding a clinic and started working there 2 days one week and 3 days the next.  It was a good job, great clinic, but really too many hours.  After working there about a year and a half, I was pregnant again and left that practice too.  Part of my reason for leaving was time.  2 days sounds good, but when you start at 8 and stay until you're done, that can easily turn into 8 or 9 pm.  And it did.  Although we usually transferred hospitalized patients to a local ER clinic, there was still a ton of charting and other work to do once we finished appointments.  And my 3rd day every other week was a Saturday, 9-5, which was horrible.  Everyone waited until Sat to bring their sick-for-4- days animals in, so we were there all day.  So on a good 2 day week, I may have been lucky to only work 20 hours, but on long 3 days weeks, I could easily put in 35 hours.  That was more than the the part-time I had in mind.  My other issue was childcare.  My mother-in-law was happy to watch one grandson twice a week, but I think by that point she needed a break too and 2 kids was too much.

Fast forward to present, and I have been home full-time for 4 years.  In the past few months, I have started to investigate some work options that would allow me to dabble a little, but still be home for the kids most of the time.  I have started doing some spays and neuters at a shelter a couple days a month, and I am also starting to do just a little relief work.  I've kept up my continuing education and license every year, but I definitely forget alot so I've been doing extra reading and brushing up on my knowledge too.

As a side note, last week I went to Las Vegas for my continuing education conference, and I got to catch up with some classmates I hadn't seen in 10 years.  It was sooooo fun to see them.  That was such an intense 4 years of my life, and the people in my class and really the only ones who can truly relate.  It was so great to reminisce about our experiences, although most were much more fun to remember than experience!  It was also fun to eat great food and socialize because I don't normally do much socializing.  We ate at a restaurant one night owned by Hubert Keller, a judge from Top Chef and Top Chef Masters competitor.  We got to meet him, and my classmate (who was a huge fan of his) told him she named her dog after him.  He thought that was super funny and he sent us complimentary desserts -- the best creme brulee I have ever had.

So all this (thanks if you're still reading!) has led me to what I really wanted to talk about, and that is motherhood vs. career.  Maybe I should say motherhood and careers, to be less polarizing.  That is the first point I want to make -- regardless of whether working full-time, part-time, or staying home full-time with kids is your choice, we really  need to get rid of the judgement.   As mothers, I truly believe we are all doing the best we can.  Only we can know what is best for ourselves and our families, so any comments I make about staying home with kids is from the perspective of what is right for me.  I would never presume to know what is right for someone else.  I get pretty irritated when I hear comments like "I could never stay home with my kids all the time.  I'd be so bored."  If I were a working mom, there would be comments from the other end of the spectrum that irked me.  I have friends who are working moms, and I am in awe of their ability to juggle it all and their mothering skills.  This discussion isn't about mommy wars.  I love my fellow moms and I think you are all pretty amazing.

For me, I know without a doubt that I want to be home with my kids as much as possible.  However, there are times when the "career bug" calls.  I am lucky to have a career that doesn't require climbing a ladder.  All the hardest work was done in the beginning.  Now I can basically work for someone else or own my own clinic.  I don't have to worry about how time off will affect my next promotion.  For that I am so grateful.  I am also thankful that part-time work is even a possibility.  For many careers it is not.  Anytime I hear a teenage or undergrad girl talking about what she wants to major in, I always mention the ability to work part-time for consideration.  At that age, you aren't thinking about motherhood because you think you can do everything, all at once, and do it well.  My own cure for the pesky career bug is the following:  1)  I tell myself "You will never look back at your life and wish you'd worked more."  What I mean by that is that my kids are only this young once.  I can never get it back.  I have the chance to be with them now, and I will never get that chance again.  As long as I remain healthy, I have many working years ahead of me.  2)  I remember what my first boss, a very strong Christian, once said to me "You CAN have it all, but not at the same time".  The reality is that one of the areas of my life is going to have to take a backseat.  I can't be everything to all people.  I am not that good and I don't have that kind of energy.  So for now, the career gets the backseat.  3)  I realize that life is not perfect for anyone and we all have to make choices.  Last week really provided clarity for me on this point.  Two of my classmates that I reunited with are on the other end of the spectrum:  mid to late 30s, not married, no kids, career is the driver.  I think they are both pretty happy, but they were very honest to say that at this point they thought they would be married with kids and neither is sure if that will ever happen.  It made me feel even more thankful for the family I have, because without them I wouldn't be me.  I know that being a wife and mother is more essential to me than being a vet, so I am happy with where I am.  Beth posted a graphic about comparison a few posts back when she talked about not being a perfect mother.  I thought it was great.  There is nothing like comparison to steal your joy.  You can never know what is going on in someone else's life and comparing yourself to them is destructive. 

Lastly, my mother-in-law told me last week that another family member had made a positive comment about me starting to work a little more.  Her comment (the family member) was along the lines of, "Oh good.  What a waste to have that education and not use it.".  My mother-in-law took offense to that, but I've heard it enough by now that I really didn't.  First, if that is how you view my break from a career, you could never understand my choice.  In a way, I think someone who thinks this way may be too selfish to ever put kids ahead of themself.  That sounds harsh, and I really don't mean it to be.  But this isn't really about me.  It's about what is best for my family.  Second, if I needed to support my family today due to an accident or sudden unexpected unemployment of my husband, I could do it.  I could have a job within a week and support a family of 4.  How could that ever be a waste?  When my kids are in school full-time and I decide to work more, I will be able to help them pay for college.  So no, I don't see my time off as a "waste" by any stretch of the imagination.  It's more an investment in my family, and the future of my children.

I hope someone can relate to something here.  If you are a working mom, I really hope I haven't said anything offensive to you.  My purpose here was to share my feelings in the hopes that someone in the same position can say "thank goodness someone else feels the same way."  :)

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Craigslist gets even more EXCITING!

>> Friday, February 24, 2012

If you've spent any time with me in the past 2 years, you probably know that I'm addicted to my iPod touch.  See, we don't have smart phones (well, really I do have a smart phone but it is stupid because we have Cincinnati Bell and I can have a smart phone without a data plan.  Which is what I have, and that means while I might look "cool" I can only get online when I have wi-fi access.  But getting online with my iPod touch is SO much easier.).  I just can't see the point in paying for a data plan when I have faster internet service at home.  And really, how many times have I NEEDED to have internet access while cruising down the road?  There have been a few times when I wished I had it, but never have I truly needed it.  Anyway, I love my iPod touch...I have just shy of 5800 songs, 30 audio books, 5 podcasts that I follow and 74 apps (of which I probably use about 25 all the time).


But I digress.  About a 10 days ago, my youngest son found my iPod on the nightstand next to my bed.  You see, I've been doing my "Bible in 90 Days" reading from the iPod (youversion.com app) and had been reading in bed the night before and placed in on the nightstand when I was finished.  So, Ryan found it and for some reason (I really don't know) it got dropped in the toilet.  Which, if you recall, I also dropped it in the toilet on Christmas day.  But this time, Ryan tried to turn it on.  While it was wet.  And water got inside it.  And it fried.  I've tried all the tricks but it seems that it's toast.

So, the past few days I've been scouring Craigslist and eBay and all the stores to see what deals might be out there.  I really wanted the same storage size (32g) but the newest version (4th gen).  I've emailed and texted probably 10 people over the last day or so and I'm currently watching about 10 more on eBay.  But I really wanted to get something locally because it's easier to fudge details or withhold information on eBay but with Craigslist you can check it out and make sure it's as described before paying.  So, tonight I got on the computer about 9pm and saw that a person in Lebanon posted one around 2:30 in the afternoon for a pretty good price.  I texted them to see if they still had it.  They did and said they could meet me tonight because they just needed the money asap.    


So, when I asked where they wanted to meet (not knowing if it was a guy or a girl or anything about the person), I was relieved when he suggested outside of the police station in our town.  Perfect.  Because if anything were to happen, the police were right there.  And it's also across the street from the fire department.  Not that I thought he would set me on fire, but there are extra people there :)

So, I got there, and he asked if we had an older iPod that we weren't using because he just wanted something to run with.  I said we did and went home to get it and meet back up with him.  So, I got there and gave him the old iPod (1st generation classic!), he took some money off the purchase price and it was a deal.  Until the police decided to check out what we were doing!


It makes sense, because why on earth would 2 people meet at 10:00 at night and exchange something?  Once we explained the story, it made sense to the police.  But for some reason there ended up being 3 cars there so it looked like a big deal.  They ran my id and the other guy didn't have his so they took his social.  Turned out he had a warrant in Butler county...something along the lines of failure to show up in court.  They said that since it was in a different county they didn't know the details, but they said it was a pretty big deal.  I guess he said he was drinking and he thought someone took care of his fines but obviously hadn't.  

Anyway, after that little detail was discovered, it took a little longer.  They ended up patting him down, checking his backpack and running the serial number on the iPod to make sure it wasn't stolen.  I had asked him before buying it and he had told me a convincing story, but after finding about warrants, I was really glad the police were able to check it out.  

Turns out, it's not stolen!  I've only had a few run-ins with the Lebanon Police (I had my identity stolen so I had to file a report once, and the other time we left our garage door open one night and they rang or doorbell to make sure nothing was stolen and to shut it), and I must say that every time they've been really great!  It's great to know that they are watching what is going on and spotted suspicious behavior.  

Although, I do not recommend purchasing something off of craigslist at 10pm at night and meeting across from the police station.  Maybe some other public place during daylight hours :)  I guess eBay maybe would have been a little easier this time?!

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Lose that belly!

>> Tuesday, February 21, 2012

If you know me in real life or if you have been following the blog, you know that I have 3 kids.  Two boys 4 and 2, and a sweet baby girl who is now almost SEVEN months old!  Time flies!  How and when did I ever get old enough to have three kids?!

Anyway, after having 3 kids, I must say that my belly isn't nearly what it used to be pre-kids.  I think most women say their body changes after having kids and mine certainly isn't an exception.  Even my friends who are lucky to get back down to pre-pregnancy weight shortly after birth say the number on the scale might be the same, but their clothes certainly don't fit the same.

I've heard for years how unhealthy belly weight is, so it's definitely something I want to say away from.  But it's easier said than done. Especially with my Type 1 Diabetes and PCOS.  My endocrine system is so far from normal which makes losing weight harder, but not impossible.


I recently read an article (that I found on Pinterest!) and thought I would share it with you.  It's "Top 10 Tips to Lose Your Belly Fat Quickly and Naturally".  The "quick" and "natural" were two of the key words for me :)  Especially since I am still nursing Molly, I can't take most supplements or cleanses.  Please note, that this is the image from the article and not of me! :-)

Pin It Here; source
Some of the tips were things I've always heard.  Like don't skip breakfast, work out (duh!), avoid alcohol and drink more water.  I never skip breakfast, I've been working out consistently, I don't drink alcohol (it messes with my blood sugar!), but I'm terrible with my water consumption and I know it.  Definitely on my list of things to improve upon!

But a couple of them were not as obvious to me.  Like get 7-9 hours of sleep.  I typically stay up late running and doing my Bible reading as well as cleaning projects that are not able to be completed with the 3 kids during the day.  So, I usually only get around 6-7 good hours of sleep each night.  Which my husband is always on me about but I'm not sure how to change.

The other one that really got me was to work out BEFORE you eat breakfast.  I usually work out at 10pm after the kids go to bed (thanks to my husband who drug the stinkin' heavy treadmill into the basement for me!) but then I can't go to sleep right away which doesn't help the whole sleep thing.  But the article said that if you work out before you eat, you burn your "excess fat" instead of the food you've eaten during the day.  Makes sense to me!  So, this morning, against all that is normal for this late-night girl, I set the alarm for 6:30 and got up and ran 2 miles on the treadmill (20min:50sec).  Not an awesome time and I felt like I was going to puke the entire time.  I have only done one other run this year that wasn't after dinner and I felt like puke during that run as well, so I'm not sure what it is.  I've done a couple of 3 mile runs, so 2 miles shouldn't really be that difficult for me anymore.


I guess we will see where it goes from here, but I'm going to stick with it and hopefully it will help do the trick!

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Go big or go home.

>> Monday, February 20, 2012

I've always heard the phrase, "Go big or go home."  I guess this is the year for me to do that.  Even though I'm not Catholic or Lutheran, I've always tried to give up something for Lent.  I guess it stems from my extended family all being Catholic and having grown up around people who observe Lent. 


For those of you who aren't familiar with Lent, according to Wikipedia, it is, "he Christian observance of the liturgical year from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday....The traditional purpose of Lent is the penitential preparation of the believer – through prayerpenancerepentancealmsgiving and self-denial.....During Lenten season, some faithful observants generally commit to a form of fasting or (temporarily) give up certain types of luxury."  Lent is about 40 days long, though some churches exclude Sundays (so you don't have to deny yourself on that day) and some include it which makes it longer than 40 days.  Also, I know that many that observe Lent also give up meat on Fridays (only eat fish/seafood) but because I love seafood, this has never been a sacrifice for me and not something I typically observe.  


For me, since I observe Lent on my own and not through my church, it has always been a time for me to give up something that is taking a lot of my attention and focus that attention on reading my Bible, praying and remembering the sacrifice that Jesus made for me on the cross.   Whenever I think of that item or desire it, I redirect my focus towards Christ.  


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This year, it's going to be big for me.  There are a couple things in my life that I know aren't healthy for me and have become a higher importance in my life than what I would like.  I don't want to brag or make a bigger deal than it actually is, but I just want to say that this year is going to be tough for me.  It will definitely cause me to focus and rely on Christ more in order to last the 40 days.  I'll probably mention it a few times over the next 40 days, but I'll post at the end of the 40 days and let you know how it went this year.


So, I guess the point of this post is to encourage you to consider doing something for Lent this year, even if it's not something you have ever done before.  Your church doesn't have to  celebrate Lent in order for it to have an impact on your spiritual journey.  Lent starts this Wednesday, February 22, so you still have a couple days to decided if you want to participate and what you will sacrifice. 



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Busy!

>> Sunday, February 19, 2012

Phew...it's been a busy month!  I think I over-committed myself this month.  Between keeping up with 3 kids, working 2 days a week at a local church doing childcare while the mommas get a break, training for my 10k and triathlon, reading through the Bible in 90 days, plus doing cakes almost every weekend, this has been a busy month!  I just haven't had time to come up with blog posts.  I enjoy blogging, I really do!  It just hasn't been up there on the priority list.  I've even been slacking in the pinterest department, so you know it's been busy around here :)


But I wanted to take a few minutes and update on my progress for my 2012 Goals:

spiritual goal:  Read through the Bible in 90 Days.  I'm still doing this, but I'm behind by about 5 days.  It's going to take a bit of extra work to catch up since the daily readings are about 5 hours each for me complete.  But I'm still at it and won't give up!

health/body goal:  Complete the Flying Pig 10k on Saturday, May 5 & the Little Miami Triathlon on Sunday, June 3.  I have also added a 5 mile run on April 21st for the Clinton County Women’s Center Walk for Life (if you want to join me, let me know and I can send you details!).  I am completing my "unofficial" training and will be starting my official training plan tomorrow!  I've been doing a good job running 3 times each week plus I've been doing a couple of spinning classes here and there.  Here's what my "official" training plan for the running looks like.  


Week
Mon
Tue
Wed
Thu
Fri
Sat
Sun

Feb 20
1
2
rest
2
rest
2
rest
3
9 mi total
Feb 27
2
2
rest
2
rest
2
rest
3
9 mi total
Mar 5
3
2
rest
2
rest
3
rest
3
10 mi total
Mar 12
4
2
rest
3
rest
3
rest
4
12 mi total
Mar 19
5
2
rest
3
rest
3
rest
4
12 mi total
Mar 26
6
3
rest
3
rest
4
rest
4
14 mi total
Apr 2
7
3
rest
3
rest
4
rest
4
14 mi total
Apr 9
8
3
rest
4
rest
4
rest
5
16 mi total
Apr 16
9
3
rest
4
2
rest
5*
rest
14 mi total
Apr 23
10
4
rest
4
rest
5
rest
6
19 mi total
Apr 30
11
4
rest
4
rest
5
rest
10K
May 7
12
4
rest
5
rest
6
rest
7
22 mi total
May 14
13
4
rest
5
rest
6
rest
7
22 mi total
May 21
14
5
rest
6
rest
7
rest
8.5
26.5 mi total
May 28
15
6
rest
4
rest
rest
TRI
10 mi total

financial goals: Complete Baby Step #3 by July 1 (fully funded emergency fund of 6 months expenses), start on Baby Steps #4 and 5 (investing for retirement and college funds for the kids).  We've made a little progress on this goal but there's been a slight setback.  Looks like my hubby is going to have to have shoulder surgery and carpel tunnel surgery and will be out of work for about 4 weeks (mostly unpaid).  So instead of socking money away for our fully funded emergency fund, we are socking it away so we won't have to worry if his recovery takes a little longer or if surgery and PT costs more than what we expect.  It's wonderful having enough money in the bank that we really don't have to worry!

family goal: take a vacation!  Nothing set up yet...but I have quit my job for Tuesdays (so after this coming week, I will only be working every Thursday at the local church doing childcare).  This will help make a little more time for fun with the kids or doing cakes which I enjoy more than the childcare work :)

business goal:  Limit bookings to no more than 7 wedding cakes for the year.  I think I'm changing this one to 12....with Steve taking a leave from work it just makes more sense for me to try and get a couple extra in.  Plus, I also have a couple house projects that I want to do and that's what I usually use my cake money for :)

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Free Weight Loss App

>> Friday, February 3, 2012

Since Beth is sharing her triathlon and 10K training journey, I thought these 2 apps that I use and like would be appropriate to share.

The first one is called "Lose It".  It is free and is basically a calorie tracker. I like it because it is super easy to use and being able to track calories on the go is very convenient.  I have also found that when I am forced to eat fast food (on a trip or something), I've been able to look up calorie info quickly through this app and it helps make a decision on what I can eat that wouldn't blow my whole daily calorie consumption. 

Second is an app Beth recommended to me last year called "Log Your Run".  This is basically just what it sounds like -- a way to record your route, time, and distance (and therefore pace) for your run or bike or walk.  I used it quite a bit last spring and summer.  I didn't want to pay for an app, and I will be the first to admit this one is not without its problems.  I found that when I ran on the bike trail near my house I often lost info -- it would tell me I'd gone 1 mile instead of 4.  I was always too preoccupied with running to notice it and problem solve, but I suspect it had more to do with phone reception than the app itself.  But just a warning in case you decide to try it.

Does anyone else have any favorite fitness or health apps they'd like to share -- free or not?

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Random Thoughts

>> Thursday, February 2, 2012

So, I've had a couple of my friends tell me recently that they think I'm "supermom".  That is far from the truth!  In fact, it makes me laugh just to hear someone say that about me.  I do like to "keep things real" but for some reason, I don't think they are seeing the entire picture...

source
For example:

  1. I am reading through the Bible in 90 Days.  But some days, I'm just reading to cross it off my list, not to actually "get something out of it."  I'm currently also 2.5 days behind.
  2. I'm training for a triathlon, but it's been 4 days since I've gone running.  I just haven't made the time even though it needs to be towards the top of my list.
  3. In the last 2 days, I have made and decorated 18 dozen cupcakes for my home-based bakery business.  But my kids have probably watched 8 hours of television just so I could get something done while they were awake.
  4. I feel like I have to do everything myself and that if I'm weak if I ask for help.  Stupid, I know.  But true for some reason.
  5. I was feeding my daughter cheerios and went upstairs to address a check that needed to go out in the mail.  I was gone all of 2-3 minutes and my 2 year old boy decided to dump the entire box all over the dining room and see how far he could spread it before I came back downstairs.  Granted, my kids are not perfect, but can't a mom expect her kids to behave for 3 minutes?
  6. I was supposed to work this morning (helping with childcare during a Ladies' Bible Study at a local church), but I called in "sick" because I had only gotten 4-5 hours of sleep and didn't feel like watching six 2 year olds.
  7. If you were to just drop by my house unannounced right now, I probably wouldn't let you through the door.  My kitchen is a mess (from the 18 dozen cupcakes) and the kids' toys are all over the place.  But I just don't feel like cleaning it up right now.
  8. I do like to bake and make dinner for our family, but lately my rut has been to make enough of one dish for 2-3 meals and then just eat leftovers.  
  9. I stay at home to be able to raise my kids myself (as opposed to daycare) and to teach them, but I feel like I barely have time to do that with all the other crap I have going on.  They are getting the last of my energy instead of the first.
  10. Between my crazy schedule and my husband's crazy schedule, I don't think we've actually sat down and had a true conversation yet this year.
See...far from perfect!

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